a life small and open, making vermouth, listening to clipse (forgot to press post on monday)

I’ve been waiting to get on the train to write up this week's little Substack, as I’m on my way to Paris for a proper holiday. It feels like I haven’t travelled without a semi-professional excuse in a few years, I never allow myself to as I’m lucky enough to hop around for work, but it’s not quite the same. I’m excited to truly dedicate my week to doing as little as possible, sweating as much as I can, and hanging with friends. My best friends Emma and Tosia will be coming to town too; both from different cities. It’s nice to meet in some sort of middle, for fun and japes.

So last week was my birthday, and it went by in a blur. I expressed my weird aging worries on last week’s Substack, and it did hit me on the day, but it also came with its own revelations and new wishes and mottos. I asked myself what I wanted my life to feel like, and saw clearly how hard it is to find out what to do to make it feel that way, but I needed a statement to work towards. I decided on: I want my life to feel small and open, not big and closed. I won’t explain what this all means to me, I’m not sure I could; but it feels significant to me somehow.

When I’m on a longish journey as I am right now, I tend to pick a few albums to download and digest while I’m out of 5G’s grasp. Today I’ve been listening to this new album by University, ‘McCartney, It’ll Be OK’. I love it a lot, some of the best new rock music I’ve heard in ages, it’s very …Trail Of Dead. If you like that sort of thing, you should listen right now.

On a similar emotional note, I'm revisiting ‘The Moon & Antarctica’ by Modest Mouse. No surprises as I’ve left it for years and years, but a couple of things jumped out to me upon this listen. Here are my two new thoughts on a record I know very well. First of all, ‘Tiny Cities Made Of Ashes' sounds a lot like Lady Gaga’s ‘Paparazzi’, awesomely. Second, ‘3rd Planet’ is potentially much more heartbreaking than I may have felt before. It had always been one of my favourite MM songs – its themes of macro/micro parallels unsurprisingly speak to me – but this time I couldn’t help but feel like it seems to be about some young adult abortion or miscarriage, in a way I’d never seen before. And I think it’s so wonderfully written. I love Isaac Brock’s lyrics; they are so singular and unique.

OK, I’m now in Paris, staying in my friend’s apartment near Père Lachaise, feeling amazing this morning. I had such a good night's sleep, full of dreams. I dreamt that I lived in a city that was built on the steepest hill of all time, quasi-vertical, and everyone had to go about their days with a safety cord wrapped around their waist. It wasn’t stressful, it was fun.

I’m about to make vermouth, one of my secret skills, for the birthday of a friend who I’ll be seeing later, as I listen to this new Clipse interview. So I have to leave you here today. Hope you’re enjoying the sun wherever you are…